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You know how couples always have a “song”, a song that defines your relationship?

A wedding song hold a whole new meaning to a “song” between a couple. And when that marriage is destroyed, that song holds a whole new meaning all over again.. that song will make you sick to your stomach, and leave you feeling a broken heart, all over again.

I can’t take it anymore.

All of the pictures are gone. I have nothing left of you. I have no reminders of you anymore, and I’m so badly wishing I still did. I lost the memory of the sound of your voice, your carefree laugh, everything. And I don’t even have a photo to remind me what it was like. All I have is a dusty wedding dress and rings that I cannot fathom getting rid of. I spend hours upon hours at night thinking about you, thinking about your touch, your kiss, your “i love you”s. I thought I was relieved to not have things to remind me of you… I’m not.

I want to hold your hand on a cold night, and wake up to your face on a sunny morning. I want to travel the vast expanse of your mind and scare the evil spirits and thoughts away. I want to fall asleep to the pure sound of your heartbeat and taste the tantalizing feel of your skin. I just want to wrap my arms tight around you and never let you go. I want to fall asleep to the sound of your voice and wake up to the beauty of your smile. I want to kiss you from head to toe and and drown in your carefree laugh. I want you, in your entirely, and I want to love you endlessly.

Tshara, if you’re looking at my tumblr right now, I want you to know I love you more than anything in this whole entire world.

You were mine, and I love you still. I just want you to remember this.

I miss you so much, every single day. I miss waking up to you and going to sleep next to you. I miss snuggling and holding you til we fell asleep. I miss going to the movies and to dinner and doing stupid little things all the time. I even miss our little dumb fights. I wish I had one more day, one more time to tell you exactly how I feel about you and how much I love you. Its been almost 4 months and I find myself still loving you endlessly. I will never be able to move on with my life without you. I will never be as happy as I was with you, with anybody else on this planet. My heart aches for you.

It pains me more and more every day knowing I will never have another day with you. Time isn’t healing anything for me. Time is making everything worse because the more time that passes means the more time I havent been with you. :/

Another sleepless night since you’ve been gone. Another night with too much on my mind to relax. And another night to think about all the things I should of done while I still had time with you. Grandpa Glen, I miss you more than anything in this whole world. I wish you were here to help me though this all, but I guess if you were here I wouldn’t be going through this all. I’m not angry with you for finding your way to heaven. I’m angry with myself for everything I didn’t do, everything I didn’t say, all the times I could of told you how much I loved you and I didn’t. I’m angry with God for taking my biggest fan… You know, Shelby says “I may have lost my biggest fan, but I gained the best guardian angel.” I don’t know, I guess I just can’t really look at it like that just yet.  I hate seeing grandma in so much pain. There are no words I could say to justify it all for her. Only you could of done that. They say time heals everything, but not this time. You were the smile on everyones faces, the laughs coming out of our mouths. Now all we have is memories and faces drowned with sadness. I’m losing the memory of the sound of your voice. Without pictures, I fear I would lose the memory of your face. I have the same dream, every single night. It was October 29th, 2012.. In the middle of the sun setting.. The sky was a beautiful redish orange color. You had just been taken off of your machines, everything but a pain killer and the ventilator that was set at 30 percent. I remember everything. The expression on your face is what gets me everytime. You looked so peaceful after you finally found your way to heaven. You were sedated more than most of the time, but when you were awake… you never once complained about anything. You never asked to go home, you never asked for anything. You were content. This picture was the very last picture that was taken of you before you walked with Jesus to heaven. You had just opened your eyes from several days under sedation. This photograph was taken September 29th, 2012. Exactly one month prior to you passing. This photo will forever be special to me. I will forever cherish it and hold it close to my heart.  I miss you more than anything, I would do anything just for one more day with you.  “In that bed, I said a little prayer for one more day that I’m still here. It’s your world and I’m just in it, ain’t no other way to spin it. Lucky me, just being there when I get to hold you. I’m just here to love you girl, but it’s your world and I’m just passing through” May you Rest In Peace, my sweet sweet angel. August 5th, 1949-October 29th, 2012
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Another sleepless night since you’ve been gone. Another night with too much on my mind to relax. And another night to think about all the things I should of done while I still had time with you.

Grandpa Glen, I miss you more than anything in this whole world. I wish you were here to help me though this all, but I guess if you were here I wouldn’t be going through this all. I’m not angry with you for finding your way to heaven. I’m angry with myself for everything I didn’t do, everything I didn’t say, all the times I could of told you how much I loved you and I didn’t. I’m angry with God for taking my biggest fan… You know, Shelby says “I may have lost my biggest fan, but I gained the best guardian angel.” I don’t know, I guess I just can’t really look at it like that just yet. 

I hate seeing grandma in so much pain. There are no words I could say to justify it all for her. Only you could of done that. They say time heals everything, but not this time. You were the smile on everyones faces, the laughs coming out of our mouths. Now all we have is memories and faces drowned with sadness.

I’m losing the memory of the sound of your voice. Without pictures, I fear I would lose the memory of your face. I have the same dream, every single night. It was October 29th, 2012.. In the middle of the sun setting.. The sky was a beautiful redish orange color. You had just been taken off of your machines, everything but a pain killer and the ventilator that was set at 30 percent. I remember everything. The expression on your face is what gets me everytime. You looked so peaceful after you finally found your way to heaven.

You were sedated more than most of the time, but when you were awake… you never once complained about anything. You never asked to go home, you never asked for anything. You were content.

This picture was the very last picture that was taken of you before you walked with Jesus to heaven. You had just opened your eyes from several days under sedation. This photograph was taken September 29th, 2012. Exactly one month prior to you passing. This photo will forever be special to me. I will forever cherish it and hold it close to my heart. 

I miss you more than anything, I would do anything just for one more day with you. 

“In that bed, I said a little prayer for one more day that I’m still here. It’s your world and I’m just in it, ain’t no other way to spin it. Lucky me, just being there when I get to hold you. I’m just here to love you girl, but it’s your world and I’m just passing through”

May you Rest In Peace, my sweet sweet angel.

August 5th, 1949-October 29th, 2012

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